Everything Changes
by merderdreamy5
Summary: Post 4.11: Derek leave Meredith for Rose. Meredith starting drinking heavily. Richard sees Meredith going down the same path as he did and tries to help. Rated for language right now. Mer/Der
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Everything Changes**

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_A/N: So, I normally write MerMark fanfics and this one started out being MerDer but now I am not so sure. Mark kinda of came off a little more caring than I meant too. The ships have yet to be determined. This is post 4.11._

_Overview: Derek leaves Meredith for Rose and Meredith starts to drowned her sorrows in a bottle of tequila. Richard sees Meredith going down the same path he did and tries to help._

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Shonda owns Grey's and Staind owns the song. Only thing I own is the Season 1-3 DVD's._

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_**If you just walked away **_

_**What could I really say? **_

_**Would it matter anyway? **_

_**Would it change how you feel?  
I am the mess you choose **_

_**The closet you cannot close **_

_**The devil in you I suppose **_

_**Cause the wounds never heal**_

Meredith was happy to be leaving the hospital. The day was just bad, in between little Tuck and being brought into the hospital and her break up with Derek, now all she wanted was to get drunk and forget everything. Meredith thought about going home and drinking but she didn't want to have another dance party. She walked into Joe's and took a seat at the bar. Joe noticed her and smiled as he walked toward the bar.

"Hey Mer, waiting on McDreamy tonight?"

"No Joe. No more waiting on McDreamy. He isn't my McDreamy anymore." Meredith rambled as she got comfortable.

Joe nodded as he grabbed a shot glass and filled it with tequila. He sat the glass in front of her but before he could walk away Meredith muttered "Joe, can you just leave the bottle?"

Joe was about to protest when Meredith looked at him with tears falling down her face. Joe nodded as he left the bottle and walked toward another customer. Meredith was about three -fourths through her bottle when she felt another person sitting beside her. She turned toward the person and blurry saw a handsome man,, who had short blond hair, sparkling green eyes, and a very nice tan. He was wearing a gray long sleeve shirt and dark blue jeans.

Meredith sighed as she threw another shot back and said "May I help you?"

The guy chuckled a little as he stated "Well, I was sitting at the booth in the back and you happen to catch my attention."

"Oh I see. Well, three quick questions." Meredith responded as she threw another shot back.

The young man replied " Okay. I get three questions too."

"Whatever! My questions are: What is your name? Are you a doctor? Are you married?" Meredith questioned as she poured another shot.

The man cocked an eyebrow at Meredith then answered "My name is Jason. The answers are no to the last two questions."

"Okay, so Jason, what do you want to know?" Meredith asked as she threw another drink back.

Jason thought for a moment then replied "Question number one: What is your name? Number two is: Why is a beautiful woman, such as yourself , alone in a bar, and Number Three: Do you want to get out of here?"

"Your forward huh? Well my name is Meredith. The second answer is a long story and to answer your third question: Yes." Meredith explained as she stood up to collect her things.

Meredith was about to follow Jason out of the bar when another man stopped them.

"Excuse me but can I speak to Meredith for a minutes?" Mark stated as he stood in front of the exit.

Jason turned to Meredith and asked "Do you know this guy?"

"Um, yea I work with him." Meredith answered as she turned to Mark "What do you want Sloan?"

Mark sighed as he said " Grey, it will only take a minute."

"Okay." Meredith hissed as she turned to Jason "Can you wait outside for me?"

Jason nodded as he walked outside. Meredith followed Mark to where he had been sitting with Callie and Erica.

"What do you want Sloan?" Meredith repeated as she sat down.

Mark took a deep breath as he replied " You are not going home with him."

"Why do you care?" Meredith demanded.

Mark sighed as he looked at Meredith's expression "Mer, I care about you. I know you and Shep broke up again but it doesn't mean I ignore my favorite dirty mistress."

"You don't have to look out for me Sloan." Meredith stated harshly as she stood up to leave.

Mark grabbed her as she walked by "You drank a whole bottle of tequila so I will not let you go home with a stranger. Let Callie and Erica take you home."

"NO!" Meredith yelled as she tried to pull out of Mark's grasp.

Mark picked Meredith up and waved to the other two women waiting at the bar. Mark carried a screaming and kicking Meredith out of the bar.

Jason was waiting outside when he saw Mark carrying Meredith out the door. He walked to Mark and asked "What the hell are you doing to her?"

Callie stood in front of him and replied "We are taking her home. I would suggest not to mess with the three of us because I break bones for a living. Sloan can mess up your pretty face, and Erica can kill you and make it look like an accident. So, I suggest you walk away."

Jason stood there in shock as Mark chuckled and he walked toward his car with the two women.

_**But everything changes if I could **_

_**turn back the years, If you could **_

_**learn to forgive me, then I could learn to feel  
Sometimes the things I say **_

_**In moments of disarray **_

_**Succumbing to the games we play **_

_**To make sure that it's real.**_

On the ride home, Meredith had passed out so Mark carried her to the house. Callie and Erica decided to follow him into the house. Callie grabbed Meredith's purse and pulled her keys out to unlock the door. As soon as they entered the house, they heard noises coming from the living room and a voice coming out of the kitchen.

"Good Mer, you home. We decided to – " Izzie began as she walked into the foyer and stopped as she saw three people she didn't expect standing there. Izzie noticed Mark carrying Meredith in her arms."What happen? Is she okay?"

Mark sighed as he looked down at Meredith in his arms "Um, besides a massive hangover in the morning she will be fine."

"Oh okay. What don't I show – " Izzie stated but was interrupted by Cristina and Alex.

"Barbie, where is the popcorn? Evil Spawn is hogging the other bowl." Cristina spat as she walked into view.

Alex snorted "Shut it Crack whore before I take back my promise not to hit a woman! Iz, you need to hurry. I want to finish this video of Grey's mother."

Both doctors failed to notice the others standing in the doorway until Erica spoke "How many of you actually live here?"

Cristina and Alex turned in confusion toward the three doctors. Cristina frowned when she saw Mark holding her person.

"McSteamy, why the hell are you carrying Meredith?"

Mark snorted as he stated "Apparently, she doesn't have good enough friends to take care of her. She was at Joe's drinking his bar dry."

"Fuck you dude! You have no right saying anything about friends." Alex yelled as he walked toward Mark.

Lexie and George walked out of the living room when they heard the yelling.

George questioned as he saw all the people standing around "What's going on? Why are you all here and why are you carrying Meredith?"

Callie rolled her eyes as she turned toward Mark "I'll show you where Meredith's room is."

Mark smiled as he followed Callie up the stairs to Meredith's room. When they left, Izzie turned toward Erica"Okay, so do you know what happen?"

Erica glared at Izzie "Stevens, do I look like your gossip pal?"

"Ohhhh-kay never mind." Izzie as she rolled her eyes and turned to walk back into the kitchen.

Cristina and Alex looked at each other as Lexie walked up the stairs to Meredith's room and George went to check on Izzie.

"Dr. Hahn, uh – if you want to do something while you wait, we are watching one of Ellis Grey's surgical tapes.": Cristina stated as she followed Alex into the living room. Erica nodded as she followed the two residents into the living room.

_**But everything changes if I could **_

_**turn back the years, If you could **_

_**learn to forgive me, then I could learn to feel  
When it's just me and you, **_

_**Who knows what we could do **_

_**If we can just make it through **_

_**The toughest part of the day**_

Meanwhile, Callie showed Mark to Meredith's bedroom. He laid Meredith gently on the bed. He removed her jacket and shoes as he placed her blanket over Meredith's petite frame. He and Callie turned to leave when they noticed Lexie standing in the doorway with a concerned look on her face.

"Dr. Sloan, please tell me she's going to be okay."

Mark sighed as he looked at Callie, who nodded at him. "She and Shepherd broke up tonight and I guess she wanted to forget. I just was looking after her."

Lexie nodded as she walked into the room "Thank you for looking after her."

"She's my friend even though she might not think so. She was my first friend when I moved out here." Mark said sincerely as he looked back at Meredith.

Lexie smiled as she watched him leave the room. Callie smiled sadly "Look after her Dr. Grey."

"I will Dr. Torres." Lexie replied as she sat down on the bed.

Mark, Callie, and Erica left soon after and the hostel of residents went to bed.

_**Everything changes if I could**_

_**Turn back the years, if you could **_

_**Learn to forgive me, then I could **_

_**Learn how to feel, then we could **_

_**Stay here together, and we could **_

_**Conquer the world, If we could **_

_**Say that forever is more than just a word  
If you just walked away **_

_**What could I really say? **_

_**Would it matter anyway? **_

_**It wouldn't change how you feel?**_

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_Thanks for reading. Please review! Let me know if I can do anything better or whatever._

_Kelley_


	2. Trouble

**Chapter 2: Trouble**

Meredith woke up the next morning with her stomach churning and a massive headache. She jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom to empty her stomach. When she finished, Meredith stood up and brushed her teeth to get the taste out of her mouth. She noticed Cristina standing at the door when she looking into the mirror.

"What?" Meredith snapped as she dried her face.

Cristina frowned "What did he do now?"

"I don't want to talk about it. Derek and I are over. For good this time." Meredith responded coldly.

Cristina sighed as she brought Meredith some aspirin "You need to get ready now if you don't want to be late."

"Whatever !" Meredith stated as she grabbed the pills from Cristina's hand and downed them with a sip of water. Cristina shook her head as she walked out of the bathroom.

Meredith hurried into the locker room as Cristina and Izzie tried to get her to talk about the night before. Sydney Heron walked into the locker room and began to address her colleagues.

"Hello Everyone! Dr. Bailey has taken some time off so I am acting Chief Resident. Now, assignments: Grey, take your interns and you have been requested by Plastics. Yang, you and your interns are on Neuro. Stevens, you're in the Pit. Karev you with Dr. Hahn."

Cristina glared at Alex and spat "Evil Spawn, trade with me."

"No, I am on Hahn service so get over it!" Alex retorted.

Meredith rolled her eyes as she saw Mark talking with Derek. She gave her interns their assignments and was hoping to hide from the stares and gossip of the nurses. Meredith stood behind the two men and listen to their conversation.

"So, how your date with Rose?" Mark asked Derek as he sipped his coffee.

Derek smiled "Actually, it went pretty well. Rose is a pretty interesting person."

"You are such a women Shep! A pretty interesting person? Seriously?" Mark stated as he laughed.

Derek frowned as he looked at his friend "Shut up! Something I really wonder why I am your friend."

"Whatever man! By the way, I am getting closer to cracking Hahn to going out with me." Mark stated with a smirk.

Derek chuckled as he checked his watch "So, what are you doing tonight?"

"Probably just going to Joe's again. You?" Mark questioned his best friend.

Derek grinned as he replied "Rose and I are going out again."

"Seriously?" A voice rang out from behind the two men.

Meredith turned to see her person standing behind her. She closed her eyes and turned toward the two attendings. Derek and Mark were staring toward the voice too. Cristina looked at Meredith then glared at Derek.

"Dr. Yang, may I help you?" Derek questioned as he ignored Meredith.

Cristina snorted as she walked closer "You're an ass, you know that! She was trying for you."

"Dr. Yang, let me remind you that I am your boss." Derek stated in his best professional voice.

Cristina threw her hands around "Whoop - de - freakin - do! You're my boss but you also the biggest idiot ever!"

"Cristina!" Meredith hissed "Please just leave it alone!"

Cristina turned toward her person then back toward Derek "I'll go trade with Dr. Stevens because I might say or do something I won't regret."

Meredith sighed as she watched Cristina leave. Mark walked to Meredith and question "Are you on my service today?"

Meredith nodded as she looked at the handsome plastic surgeon.

Mark smiled sadly as he turned toward Derek "See you later Shep."

Derek nodded as he watched Meredith and Mark walk away.

The evening Meredith was so exhausted. She had scrubbed in on four plastic surgeries. She tried to hide from Derek, Rose, and Cristina. She again found herself going into Joe's. She sat at the bar and again asked for the bottle of tequila.

"Washing away brain cells again tonight, are we?" A voice came from behind.

Meredith turned toward the voice and noticed it was Jason. "Yes, it's the best plan I can come up with."

"So, you have friends who like to threaten people?" Jason questioned as he sat down.

Meredith winced as she remembered what Callie said "Oh, well actually they weren't my friends."

"Oh! So, who was he big guy – an ex boyfriend?" Jason stated as he ordered a beer.

Meredith laughed as she shook her head "Oh no, he is the ex- best friend of my ex-boyfriend."

"Okay, so you are single?" Jason asked as he sipped his beer.

Meredith shrugged as she knocked back another shot. Meredith turned her head as she heard he bell above the door ring. She rolled her eyes as she muttered "Crap!"

She noticed that Mark, Callie, Erica, and Derek walked into the bar. She noticed Mark saying something to Derek, who looked at the bar then saw as Mark turned to Callie and Erica. Both Derek and Mark made their way to the bar. Meredith looked toward Jason and whispered "I am sorry but you probably need to leave now."

"Why?" Jason stated but realized that Mark was walking toward the bar "No, its okay."

Mark stood in between Meredith and Jason as Derek stood on the other side of Meredith.

Meredith looked at Mark and rolled her eyes "Please leave me alone?"

"Grey, you have drank enough. Let me call one of your friends." Mark pleaded as he flagged Joe down.

Meredith glared at Mark "I don't need you to protect me."

"Mer, please just let Mark call someone for you." Derek stated sincerely.

Meredith scoffed "Oh so now you don't ignore me Dr. Shepherd. Please don't call me Mer. By the way, shouldn't you be with your nurse?"

"Mer – " Derek began but saw the glare she gave him "I mean Dr. Grey, please just listen to Mark."

Meredith slapped the money on the bar and stood up to leave.

"Meredith, where are you going?" Derek shouted at her.

Meredith just kept walking out of the bar. Mark caught up to her and grabbed her by the arm.

"Grey, you aren't driving home."

"Let go of me Sloan." Meredith snapped as she continued "I am fine to drive home."

Mark stood in front of her driver's side door "Let me have your keys!"

"Dr. Sloan, is everything okay?" a voice called out to him.

Mark and Meredith looked over toward the voce and noticed it was Rose.

"Great!" Meredith mumbled as she tried to get around Mark.

Mark sighed heavily as he grabbed Meredith around the waist "Yes, I am fine Rose. Derek is waiting for you inside."

"Oh, uh – thank you. Good night Dr. Grey." Rose stated as she walked toward the bar.

Mark felt a sharp pain in his arm and yelped as he dropped Meredith to the ground.

"Damn - it Grey! Did you bite me?"

"That's what you get. Now move the hell out of my way." Meredith snapped as she stood up.

Mark grabbed her wrist and pulled her keys out of her head "Now, shut up and get in the car."

Meredith glared at Mark as she sat in the passenger seat.

After a few minutes of silence, Meredith wiped the tears from her eyes. "You warned me when you first moved here. You told me that he was damaged goods, that I should start over. I – I wish that I listened to you back then because this wouldn't have happen."

"Grey" Mark began with a sigh " I am sorry that you all broke up the way you did but drinking yourself into a coma isn't going to help."

Meredith looked out the window "Let me decide what I will and won't do to get over Derek. I was trying for him and it wasn't enough."

Mark shook his head as he pulled into Meredith's driveway. She got out of the car and took her keys from Mark. Meredith walked into the house and straight up the stairs. Mark shook his head as he walked into the living room. He saw Lexie, Cristina, George and Izzie dancing around the living room. He stood there a few minutes until he noticed Alex standing beside him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Alex snapped as he turned to face Mark.

Mark crossed his arms as he turned toward the younger resident "I was taking care of my friend. She's upstairs and drank half a tequila bottle."

"Shepherd needs a good ass - kicking for what he did to her." Alex stated as he allowed himself to calm down.

Mark chuckled as he remember Meredith biting him " Let Grey do it herself, because she about kicked my ass tonight."

"Dude seriously? That's sad. So , what are you still doing here?" Alex questioned the older doctor.

Mark blew a breath out "I need a ride back to Joe's."

"Oh! I'll take you. I haven't seen Joe in awhile. Besides, the rest of them are about half in the bottle." Alex stated as he grabbed his keys and left.

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_Again thanks for reading and please review._

_Kelley_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Everything Changes**

Meredith woke up the next afternoon thankful to have the day off. She decided to clean house and relax in quiet while no one was home. After she finished the lundry, she decided to go to the liquor store. When she came home, Meredith went straight upstairs and put the bottles of tequila she brought throughtout her room. She was about to start drinking her first bottle when the doorbell rang. Meredith let out a frustrated sigh as she walked down the stairs. She opened the door and rolled her eyes and she asked "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Meredith, I heard you had the day off so I wanted to see how you were doing." Derek explained sincerely.

Meredith responded coldy before walking toward the living room "Well _Dr. Shepherd, _as you can tell I am fine and trying to relax since no one is here."

"Meredith, I know you are angry with me but I still care for you." Derek stated as he shut the door behind him.

Meredith laughed bitterly "That's funny because if I remember you were done with us so that mean you don't have to care anymore. Does your girfriend know you're here?"

"Rose isn't my girlfriend. We are just beginning to date." Derek objected quickly.

Meredith eyes flashed angrily as she turned toward Derek "You of all people don't go around kissing people in scrub rooms for nothing so don't downplay your feelings on my account."

"Meredith." Derek began but was interrupted as Meredith yelled "Just leave me alone and move on!"

Meredith walked up the stairs and locked herself in her room. She heard the front door slam shut and Derek start his car. Meredith grabbed the tequila bottle and began to drink. The next couple hours Meredith drank herself into an alcohol induced sleep. Cristina, Izzie, and Alex walked into the house and realized that Meredith had cleaned while they were gone. Izzie looked at Cristina with concern.

"Well, atleast we know she has been up and out of her room." Cristina stated as she shrugged. Izzie watched as Cristina walked up the stairs. She tried to open Meredith's bedroom door but realized it was locked. Cristina frowned as she remembered the key Derek had made for the time she locked him out of the room. Cristina ran into the bathroom and pulled the key out of the hiding place. When Cristina opened the door she frowned as she saw Meredith passed out on the bed with and empty bottle of tequila. Cristina sighed as she moved the bottle out of the bed and threw it in the garabe. She got ready for bed and knew she would corner Meredith tomorrow.

The next morning the alarm began to blare and Meredith groaned as she reached up to turn her alarm off. She stood up and shuffled her way to the bathroom. She grabbed some asprin and jumped in the shower. When she got out of the shower, Cristina was sitting on the bed waiting for her.

Meredith looked at her person and asked "When did you make it home last night?"

"We got home around nine. So, when did you pass out last night." Cristina stated accusingly.

Meredith rolled her eyes as she lied "I fell asleep early and I didn't pass out."

"Really?" Cristina growled as she walked toward the trash can "Well, this empty bottle of tequila would tell me otherwise."

Meredith glared at her friend as she put her boots on "Whatever! I am fine."

"Meredith, you are anything but fine. Ever since the other day, all you do is get completely drunk and don't talk to anyone." Cristina snapped as she stood up.

Meredith stubborningly said " I am fine Cristina. I just want to go to work."

Cristina let out a frustrated sigh as she followed Meredith out the door.

When Meredith got to the hospital, Sydney had assigned her to Derek's service, which made her even more upset. Before she could find Derek, Mark pulled her into a supply closet.

"Seriously Sloan! This isn't going to help keep rumors down about me." Meredith hissed as she tried to leave.

Mark stood in her way and just stared at her "What is your problem?" Meredith snapped as she leaned against a wall.

Mark leaned against the door as she slid to sit on the floor. "You need to lay off the alochol Grey. You look like crap."

"Thanks, but you don't need to look out for me. I can handle myself." Meredith retorted as she stood up straight.

Mark let out a sarcastic laugh "Grey, when was the last time you ate or even drank something other than tequila?"

"That's none of your business! Now let me go find Dr. Shepherd." Meredith yelled as she walked toward Mark.

Mark stood up and crossed his arms "I am not just looking out for you Grey. If something happen to you – Shep would never recover."

"I think he would be fine with his nurse. He isn't mine to worry about me anymore. Now let me do my job." Meredith stated as she pulled Mark away from the door.

Meredith finally found Derek at the nurses station flirting with Rose. Meredith shook her head as she cleared her throat. Derek turned around and the smile he been wearing while talking to Rose shifted into a frown "Dr. Grey, you are late."

"Well if you could tell Dr. Sloan to leave me the hell alone I would have been here on time." Meredith retorted as she stared at Derek.

Derek crossed his arms over his chest "That is no excuse Dr. Grey. I am going to have to write you up."

"Fine! Whatever! Do you actually need me or can I find someone else to work with?" Meredith stated with a glare.

Derek's eyes narrowed as he heard Rose clear her throat "Dr. Shepherd, I need to go prep your OR, so I'll see you later."

Derek nodded without taking his eyes away from Meredith. "Why don't you send me one of you interns and you can do work in the clinic."

Meredith nodded as she walked away. The rest of her day was pretty uneventful.

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Thank you for reading! Please review?

Kelley


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Missing**

_Please, please forgive me,  
But I won't be home again.  
Maybe someday you'll look up,  
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:  
"Isn't something missing?"_

Two months had passed since Meredith and Derek had broken up. Every night, Meredith would either go to Joe's or go home and drink excessive amounts of tequila. The next morning she would wake up with a horrible hangover. This caused her to start drinking a beer every morning after her shower. Mark became very concerned as to Meredith's well being. Mark decided to talk to the Chief. He walked to Richard's office and saw Patricia sitting at her desk. She smiled and allowed Mark to go in to meet with Richard.

Richard looked up when he heard the knock on the door. "Dr. Sloan, what can I do for you?"

"Well Chief, I know you were very close to Grey's mother and with Grey herself." Mark replied as he sat in the chair in front of the Chief's desk.

Richard nodded as he responded "Yes, I was close to Ellis and am to Meredith. Why?"

"Um.. I….uh, well actually Dr. Grey friends and I are extremely worried about her sir." Mark explained as he looked toward his feet.

Richard had a look of concern on his face "Why isn't Shepherd or Yang in here telling me this?"

"Sir, uh Shep and Grey haven't been dating for a few months an I don't think she is going to her friends for help." Mark spoke softly.

Richard nodded as he let out a long sigh "Why are you here Mark? What is wrong with Meredith?"

"I-- I think that Meredith has an problem with alochol sir." Mark informed the Chief.

Richard stared at Mark a few moments without a word. Finally, Mark stood up and walked over to Mark

"Thank you for bringing this to my attention Mark. I will meet with Meredith and discuss everything."

"Of course sir." Mark stated as he stood up and followed Richard out of his office.

Richard put his hand on Mark's shoulder "Thank you for looking after her but when I talk to her she might feel betrayed by you and her friend. So please watch out for her."

"We will Chief." Mark said sincerely as he walked toward the floor. Richard looked at Particia

"Please have Dr. Meredith Grey paged to my office now."

Patricia nodded as she got to work tracking Meredith down.

_You won't cry for my absence, I know -  
You forgot me long ago.  
Am I that unimportant...?  
Am I so insignificant...?  
Isn't something missing?  
Isn't someone missing me?  
_

Meredith nervously knocked on the Chief's door. Richard told her to come in and sit down. Richard looked at Meredith for a little bit until he stood up and sat on his desk.

"Meredith, I have known you since you were a child and I promised your mother that I would look out for you. You are pretty much they only child I have left. So, I need to ask you if you are doing okay?"

Meredith said suborning "Chief, I promise I am fine."

"Okay, well I want to let you know that it is okay not to be fine. Over the past year things haven't been great for you but you have seem to push through." Richard stated carefully.

Meredith asked annoyed "They told you didn't they? I can't believe it. My friend went behind my back."

"Meredith, no one came to me. I can tell something is wrong and I am worried." Richard explained to calm her down.

Meredith snapped as she stood up "NO! Someone told you because if you were have found out I would have been called in her two months ago!"

"Meredith, I know what you are going through and I can offer help." Richard said firmly

Meredith responded coldly as she crossed her arms across her chest "I don't need you help because I don't have a problem."

"Meredith, you can't come back to work until you get the help I am offering. I'll even go with you." Richard insisted as he pushed himself away from his desk.

Meredith started to pace around the room as her anger rose "So what happens if I don't go?"

"I will have no choice in dropping you from the program. I can't have my doctors being drunk at work Meredith." Richard stated bluntly.

Meredith laughed bitterly as she quit pacing and looked at Richard "So, you'll turn your back on me too?"

"Meredith, that isn't what I said." Richard stated softly "You have a week to decide then you'll be dropped from the program."

Meredith nodded as she walked out of Richard's office.

_Even though I'm the sacrifice,  
You won't try for me, not now.  
Though I'd die to know you love me,  
I'm all alone.  
Isn't someone missing me?_

Meredith walked to the resident locker room and began changing. A few minutes later, Mark walked into the locker room while she finished changing. Mark sat down beside her as she put her shoes on.

"I am sorry Meredith, but I knew you needed help." Mark said as he saw her stop and turn toward him.

Meredith eyes grew with anger "YOU! You went to the Chief. I am going to lose my job because of you!"

"Not if you get help Meredith. The Chief will help you." Mark said as he stood up.

Meredith scoffed "Why the hell do you care?"

"I am your friend Meredith and I want my friend back." Mark said softly.

Meredith shook her head "I need to go."

"You aren't going anywhere but back to the Chief's office." Mark stated as he stood in front of the door.

Meredith responded coldly by slapping his across the face and she would have hit him again if he hadn't grabbed her arms in his hands. "Let me go! I am going home and you can't stop me!"

Mark sighed as he let her go because he was right, he couldn't stop her.

_Please, please forgive me,  
But I won't be home again.  
I know what you do to yourself,  
I breathe deep and cry out,  
"Isn't something missing?  
Isn't someone missing me?"_

Meredith walked onto the empty elevator still seething from her conversation with Mark and Richard. The elevator stopped at the next floor and the doors open to reveal someone who she didn't want to see. Derek looked up from his chart as he walked into the elevator. Meredith rolled her eyes as she saw him turn around and hit the button to his floor.

"So, you are going home?" Derek said more as a statement than a question.

Meredith laughed then spoke coldly "This will probably be my last day at Seattle Grace."

"What do you mean by that? Why are you going home?" Derek stated as he turned toward Meredith.

"Apparently everyone thinks I have a drinking problem. Mark told the Chief so now I can't work until I get help, which I don't need." Meredith said defensively.

Derek walked toward Meredith as he began " Meredith."

Meredith quickly stepped away from Derek but was stopped by the wall of the elevator.

Derek quickly closed the space between them "Meredith, please let Richard help." Derek stated quietly.

Meredith eyes flashed with anger "You knew too? You knew Sloan was going to tell the Chief."

"Mer, please let us help you." Derek spoke as he grabbed her by the waist.

Meredith shook her head and tried to push Derek away.

"Mer, I-- I love you. I am sorry I pushed you too fast."

Meredith looked up with tears in her eyes "You don't get to apologize. Not yet. Right now, I don't want to talk to you or see you Dr. Shepherd. You don't love me. You love the thought of me."

"Mer, that's not true. I love you." Derek stated as he heard the elevator doors open. Meredith pushed his arms off her waist and ran out the door. Derek turned and watched her leave.

_And if I bleed, I'll bleed,  
Knowing you don't care.  
And if I sleep just to dream of you  
I'll wake without you there,  
Isn't something missing?  
Isn't something..._

_

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_

_So, its been almost a month since I wrote. I am so sorry. I am not going to give you any excuses just apologize. I hope you all keep reading. Thank you_

Kelley


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Broken**

_**The Broken clock is a comfort  
It helps me sleep tonight  
Maybe it can stop tomorrow  
From stealing all my time  
And I am here still waiting  
Though I still have my doubts  
I am damaged at best  
Like you've already figured out**_

Meredith walked into an empty Joe's and sat at the bar. The new bartender walked toward Meredith and sat down her usual. She downed her shot and ordered another. After a couple of hours, the bartender cut her off and called a cab. Joe came into the bar before Meredith left. Meredith waved to him as she exited the bar. Joe became worried because it was early for her to start on her binge. As soon as Mark walked into the bar, Joe motioned for him to come to the bar.

_**I'm falling apart  
I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart  
That's still beating  
In the pain  
There is healing  
In your name  
I find meaning  
So I'm holding on (I'm holdin on)(I'm holdin on)  
I'm barely holding on to you**_

"Dr. Sloan, um I just want to warn you that Meredith was here earlier and she left pretty out of it." Joe stated as Mark was close enough to hear.

Mark let out a frustrated sigh and said "Thanks Joe, I'll call her friends and check on her."

"Thanks man. She is a great person and I am starting to really worry about her." Joe spoke sincerely.

Mark smiled sadly as he nodded. He walked out of the bar while he pulled out his cell phone.

_**The broken locks were a warning  
You got inside my head  
I tried my best to be guarded  
I'm an open book instead  
And I still see your reflection  
Inside of my eyes  
That are looking for purpose  
They're still looking for life **_

I'm falling apart  
I'm barely breathing

"_Hello?"_

Mark greeted quickly "Karev, where are you?"

"_Who is this?"_

Mark rolled his eyes as he answered "It's Sloan, now can you answer my question?"

"_I am eating dinner with Lexie. Why?"_

Mark sighed as he knew Alex wasn't near Meredith "So, you aren't at Grey's?"

"_No, uh, why? What's wrong?"_

Mark ran his fingers through his hair "Do you know where Stevens, Yang, or O'Malley is?"

"_Iz is at the hospital, along with O'Malley. Yang was with the new doctor when I left. Why?"_

Mark replied "Joe said Grey was here earlier and left pretty wasted. I am leaving now to go see her."

"_Okay, We'll meet you there."_

Mark closed his phone as he got in his car and started the engine.

_**With a broken heart  
That's still beating  
In the pain (In the pain)  
Is there healing  
In your name  
I find meaning  
So I'm holding on (I'm still holdin on)(I'm holdin on)  
(I'm still holdin on) (I'm holdin on)  
I'm barely holding on to you**_

When he arrived at Meredith's house, he noticed that only her light was on in the house. Mark got out of the car and was walking toward the door as Alex and Lexie arrived. All three doctors walked into the eerily quiet house. Mark walked up the stairs first as Lexie and Alex followed. Mark tried to open Meredith's door but noticed it was locked. He knocked on the door as Lexie walked in the bathroom to grab the extra key. She handed the key to Mark and he opened the door quickly. What he saw next, he thought, would haunt him for the rest of his life. He looked at Alex and Lexie, who both had a horrified expression on their face. Mark ran to Meredith who was lying in the floor surrounded by three empty bottles of tequila and vomit. Mark felt for a pulse, which was very weak. When he touched her body, he pulled his hand back. She was cold like ice and she was very pale -- almost blue. She was unconscious and her respirations were slow. He knew the symptoms because a good friend of his from college died of alochol poisoning. He looked at Lexie, who had tears running down her face.

"Lex, call 911 now. Karev, get a blanket and come help me keep her from choking." Mark barked as he turned Meredith on her side.

Lexie grabbed her cell phone as Alex run into the room and grabbed a blanket to help Mark. Mark and Alex started trying to warm Meredith's body while Lexie called 911. As soon as she got off the phone, Lexie came back into the room.

"They are only a few minutes out. I told them that she goes to Seattle Grace." Lexie said quietly.

Mark nodded but when he was going to reply, Meredith began to shake violently.

"She's seizing! Karev help me make sure she doesn't choke." Mark stated as he began to hold Meredith's head still. The seizure didn't last long as Meredith's body went limp. The three doctors heard the door open and footsteps run up the stairs.

"What the hell is going on?" Cristina asked as she pushed passed Lexie while George and Izzie followed from behind.

Mark looked up at Meredith's person "We found her like this. I think she has alochol poisoning. Lexie, can you wait for the paramedics."

Lexie nodded as she and George walked downstairs. A few minutes later, she came up with two paramedics. They walked into the room and began to work on Meredith. The paramedics took her downstairs to load her in the ambulance. Mark followed behind and yelled to the paramedics "I need to go with her to the hospital."

Both paramedics nodded to Mark as they watched him jump inside the ambulance. Meredith's friends followed behind the ambulance.

_**I'm hanging on another day  
Just to see what, you will throw my way  
And I'm hanging on, to the words you say  
You said that I will, will be okay  
The broken light on the freeway  
Left me here alone  
I may have lost my way now  
But I haven't forgotten my way home**_

The ambulance pulled into the bay as Callie waited with a couple of interns. The ambulance doors flew open as Callie spoke "What do we have?"

A familiar voice began spouting Meredith's stats "Meredith Grey, 29 years old, found unconscious in the floor of her home. Possible alcohol poisoning. Blood pressure is low. 90 over 50. Respirations are around 12. Had two seizures."

Callie's eyes widen as she helped Mark move Meredith inside the hospital. Callie looked at Mark "Trauma room 2 is open. I will go page the Chief."

Mark nodded as he followed the paramedics into the trauma room but stopped when he saw his best friend standing at the nurses station in shock. Mark smiled sadly as he ran into the trauma room.

_**I'm falling apart  
I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart  
That's still beating  
In the pain (In the pain)  
There is healing  
In your name (In your name)  
I find meaning  
So I'm holding on (I'm still holdin')(I'm holdin' on)(I'm still holdin') (I'm holdin' on) (I'm still holdin')  
Barely holding on to you (I'm still holdin on)  
Barely holdin on to you **_

* * *

_Okay so that was Chapter 5. Please tell me what you think. Keep in mind that this IS a MerDer fanfic, but things might get worse before they get better. Let me know what you all think. Thanks for reading and please review._

_Kelley_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Where I Stood

_I don't know what I've done  
or if I like what I've begun  
but something told me to run  
and honey you know me it's all or none _

There were sounds in my head  
little voices whispering  
That I should go and this should end  
oh and I found myself listening 

Derek thought his eyes were playing tricks on him. Was that Meredith who was brought in and did Mark come in with her? He saw Callie going back toward the room then a couple minutes later, the Chief went into the room. Derek noticed that all Meredith's friends were sitting in the waiting room. He sighed as he walked toward her friends.

"What happen?" He questioned quietly.

Four tear filled faces looked up as well as one angry face. Alex hissed "What happen? What happen was you, Dr. Shepherd! How many times do you get to break her and she turns dark and twisty. Why can't you leave her alone like she asks?"

"Dr. Karev, I don't mean to hurt her. She -- She wasn't -- I didn't" Derek began but was interrupted by Lexie "Alex, it wasn't all Dr. Shepherd's fault."

Alex chuckled bitterly "He caused her to go into that drinking rampage she has been on because he kissed a freaking scrub nurse."

"That's enough Karev!" Mark stated as he walked toward the group "Yang, I need you."

Cristina stood up and walked toward Mark as the rest of the doctors watched.

"You are Grey's medical proxy right?" Mark quietly whispered.

Crisitna nodded as she asked "How is she? Can I see her?"

"She is stable, but we are still not out of the woods. We are giving her oxygen therapy and lots of fluids. Until she wakes up, we will have an intern with her at all times. The next 48 hours are the most important. We don't know how much damage she had caused to herself." Mark sighed "With that being said, of course you can see her. She will be moved shortly and then everyone can see her."

Cristina nodded again as she turned to walk toward her friends but quickly turned back toward Mark "Uh, thank you for being there for her when she was pushing us away."

"Yang, she's my friend too. Besides Shepherd, probably my best friend. But your welcome." Mark stated before walked back to the trauma room.

_'cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you  
all I know is that I should  
and I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
all I know is that I should  
cos she will love you more than I could  
she who dares to stand where I stood  
_

Cristina explained to the doctors what was going on with their friend while Richard and Mark talked. Richard looked at his surrogate daughter. "I should have seen this coming. I am suppose to protect her. I promised her mother."

"You did what you could. She is the most stubbornness person I have met. Hopefully she'll get help now." Mark spoke sincerely.

Richard nodded as he heard a knock at the door. One of Cristina's interns came into the room.

"Uh -- Dr. Webber, Dr. Sloan, I am here to take Dr. Grey to her room." The nervous intern stated as he walked in.

Both men nodded as they helped the intern get Meredith ready for transport. Mark looked at the young man and noticed how nervous he was. "Which resident do you have?"

The intern glanced at the older doctor "Dr. Yang sir."

"Dr. Yang?" Mark repeated "So, that means you are a number right?"

The intern nodded "Yes sir. I am number 2, sir."

"What is your name?" Mark said with a chuckle.

The intern swallowed heavily "Dr. Masthou. Steve Masthou."

"Okay, Dr. Masthou, please look after Dr. Grey here for me and when she wakes up page me and Dr. Yang immediately. You understand?" Mark informed the intern.

Steve nodded as he stuttered "Y-- Yes sir."

"Tell every that comes in the room to watch her." Mark explained as he stopped and allowed the intern to take Meredith to her room.

_see I thought love was black and white  
that it was wrong or it was right  
but you aunt leaving without a fight  
and I think imp just as torn inside_

Mark walked out of the trauma room and was immediately bombarded by Derek's questions "How is she? Why were you at her house? Why is Yang her proxy?"

"Shep, you need to calm down. I don't know how she really is. We won't know till she wakes up but to tell you the truth she has been screwed up for months." Mark explained as he turned to see Rose walking up to the two men.

She smiled at Mark as she greeted both men. "Dr. Sloan, Dr. Shepherd."

Mark looked at Derek then to Rose as he grunted a hello and walked away.

"What is wrong with him?" Rose questioned as she stood closer to Derek.

Derek took a heavy breath in then said "Dr. Grey was brought in this evening and I think he is just frustrated."

"Oh, I thought he was your best friend and was pursing Hahn?" Rose questioned as she took out a handful or Hershey kisses.

Derek shook his head and replied "He is my friend but also hers. They have a lot in common and he is still pursuing Hahn."

"Are you sure because he seems really upset just to be friends." Rose stated as she popped a kiss in her mouth.

Derek nodded as he began to think of what Rose had said.

_'cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you  
all I know is that I should  
and I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
all I know is that I should  
cos she will love you more than I could  
she who dares to stand where I stood_

Meanwhile, Alex, Cristina, Izzie, Lexie, and George were sitting in the tunnels.

Alex popped his neck as he rolled his head back and fourth "Do they know when we can see her?"

"Sloan said they would page when she was in her room." Cristina stated as she played with her ponytail holder.

Izzie sighed "I can't believe she drank that much. I mean I could hurt Shepherd for doing this to her."

"Shepherd didn't do this to her Iz. He didn't put the bottle to her mouth and make her drink. She drank herself like this. Its our fault for not forcing her to talk." Cristina responded.

Lexie nodded "Dr. Yang is right. We all saw what was happening and did nothing. I just hope she will get help now."

A shrill beeping sound came from Cristina's pager. She looked down and sighed "We can go see her now."

The five doctors got up and made her way to Meredith's room.

_and I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call  
you meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all  
but you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you  
this is what I have to do _

'cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you  
all I know is that I should  
and I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
all I know is that I should  
cos she will love you more than I could  
she who dares to stand where I stood 

_**Thanks for reading and reviewing. Let me know what I need to improve or whatever. Thanks.**_

_**Kelley**_


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